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it's nice to see you miss. hope

i think you should go to the therapist with your parents

because she will know how your parents treet you even if they

. didn't say or do anything

waht did the dotor told you when you went to the hospital

is there any improvment

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اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة ليش لا (المشاركة 675730)

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it's nice to see you miss. hope

i think you should go to the therapist with your parents

because she (He) will know how your parents treat you even if they

. didn't say or do anything

I know which is mainly the only reason why I might go with a 75% chance, even though I had already decided that I wasn't going to no matter what.. I wasn't going to go with them nor even for me anymore.. I feel I'm over, and had enough.. what's the use... I don't see hope... I'm trying to, but I'm feeling/seeing it near or far..

what did the doctor tell you when you went to the hospital

is there any improvement

Well,..... We don't know the whole picture because we don't have all the test results back yet! We know I have an issue with my liver, stomach, and uterus... In regards to my liver theres nothing to do about it hopefully it just doesn't cause issues when I get older... She doesn't think it is the cause of any of my current issues/symptoms as long as I don't start feeling pain towards where the liver is located... The stomach she didn't say what will be done about it because she wants to see the biopsy they took from the inside my stomach to see what the lab says.., but there's still is an issue with the walls/lining of my stomach.. Also with blood vessels on the lining of my stomach can start bleeding too cause there's an issues with them... If the biopsy shows I have H. pylori bacteria than even worse...

You see I have what is called Gastritis since I was 14 yrs old or younger it occurs when the lining of the stomach becomes inflamed or irrited. NOW I also have Erythematous gastritis occurs when there is redness of the skin because of dilation of blood vessels. In some cases, it is a normal response due to inflammation and can heal with treatment. In addition, It was found I have exudative gastritis: discharge of certain elements of the blood into the tissues due to rashes and swelling of the lining of the stomach... If the biopsy sent to the lab is positive meaning I have an infection called Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori) than it's worse.. Why!!? Because H. pylori is the bacteria responsible for most ulcers and stomach inflammation (chronic gastritis). It can weaken the protective coating of the stomach, allowing digestive juices to irritate the sensitive stomach lining... I had this bacteria before when I was 14 yrs with regular gastritis and the bacteria was treated, but the gastritis is a long term thing so it stayed... Every since around age 14 I used to take the same medications every morning to manage the gastritis and I would be ok... Now no medicine is working...

I need local surgery for something else... Also a laparoscopic surgery for my uterus. I had something before that was surgically removed, but seems to have came back... I'm angry.. Which means I need to get admitted and go under full anesthesia again for something reoccurring that I removed 6 yrs ago... I need to get an appointment for an MRI though first because an ultrasound wasn't enough... They know it's back, but the question is where.. If they can't see through the MRI than I will just need to do the surgery and they will just need to search for it then at the time.. First time they removed it didn't show by eye on test until the surgery itself.., but it most likely there.. More than one doctor (3 exactly) said I need to do the surgery.. What is being done is trying to see where it is before scheduling a surgery....
Also I need the other surgery which would just be local without staying in the hospital.. I rather not say what the local surgery is for.. I don't want to do it, and I asked a thousand times if it is really absolutely necessary and the answer was yes... :(

That's all I know... I got a lot of blood test results yesterday, but didn't show them to the doctor yet.. , but from looking at the normal rang near the results I see some highs and lows.. My hemoglobin is high.. I don't if she will say it's ok because it's not very high.. I'm low in sugar... blah blah blah... I don't want to think about it... I'll just see what she says

I didn't even go to the hospital yesterday, I ended up feeling too tired... I need to force myself to go today though... I wont see the doctor until the biopsy is done and that will take time.. I did it on Thursday, and they said it will take a week to two weeks for the biopsy lab result..

So my liver, more than one thing with my stomach as I explained, uterus = surgery, and local surgery for something else.. The blood tests aren't ok, but I'll let the doctor to make the assessment of how good or bad is it between my high and low results for a few things here and there... I am not a doctor so I can only look at the normal range and compare...

Tomorrow is the day my parents will go to my therapist... Maybe me too.., MAYBE!!.. That's all I'm thinking about today it's going to make me sick worrying about it... Calculating the hours.. I keep on asking them are you going still!! Are you sure u want to go!? Hoping will change there mind.. How in the WORLD did I agree for this meeting tomorrow.. The right is for me to be there too... Hopefully we all remain calm.. We can kill each other heh metaphorically speaking.. Seriously... My father can easily get out of control... My dad and me are like gas and fire... I can imagine it easily turning into a zoo or a place for a butcher... I'm trying to joke about it, but it's not funny...

HOPEFULLY, we all remain calm civilized mature adults tomorrow.. We get in huge fights lately...

I don't think any good will come out of it , but I'm giving it a chance... I would have never done this years ago no matter what the circumstances were.. Still don't know HOW I agreed... Shocked myself later thinking wait!? what did I get myself in to no : S ... Too late to cancel... My father is a very difficult complex extremely negative doubtful deceiving person and the list can go on... I can't and refuse to even try to remain calm dealing with him.. He makes soooo angry... I don't care if I get kicked out, I barely care about that.. I have zero respect for him... I feel it's just a situation awaiting to happen especially if I am in the picture.... even if I was calm..

Ignore all this extra non sense talk... Feel like I'm going to war instead of to make things better

We'll see what happens

hi miss. hope

first , i can only pray for you to get better en sha Allah

and please let me know about the results

second , i'm positive that going to the therapist along with your parents

is a good thing for you , even you fight each other there

third , it seems that we share somethings together

when you said that you have zero respect for your father

it's like you were repeating my exact words

i mean , i'm always saying thing like this about him

but , what can i do ? this is the nature of life and we have to fight in order to have some peace

It's not right or ok to have zero respect for parents though

The religion says it's not right.. We should always treat them with respect any elderly in fact... That's how it should be.. We have zero respect, but we will be accountable for that zero respect on judgement day

I try to, but it's easy said than actually done... Talk is easy... ACT is much stronger and weighs much more... WORDS actually mean nothing in comparison to act

Eight more hrs before I need to start getting to go IN MY OWN CAR... Giving myself an hour of me morning time not going to rush cause I am already nervous... Than an hour just for the road unless I want to speed and rush...

I will meet them there.. Their alone and I'm alone

i know it's not right and it's not acceptable for us as sons and daughters

. to treat our parents or one of them in that way

. however , it's not their right either to treat us in badly just because they are our parents

i know it's not our place to judge them , but what can i do

. i have been trying every possible way to make things better with my father , and i always fail

by the way , yesterday i wanted to tell you that i know some good doctors and therapist here

. so if you want , i can the clinic's number

i wish you the best of luck

why not

where ar u

we miss u so much

Kareem are you talking to me or Sultan?

If your talking to me... Why not about what?

I'm sorry I don't understand

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ur comment make me laughing

no i talk to why not lish la

how ar u i hav a hop

hi miss. hope

hi mr. kreem

i'll be back soon en sha Allah

اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة لدي أمل (المشاركة 676197)

Sultan... I'll get back to you soon.. It's weird you've said you've said...

I'm silently laughing.. wondering.. thinking

Hummm

Well,.. I've got to go my mother wants me to take her to get a few things so C ya soon

اقتباس:

المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة لدي أمل (المشاركة 676539)

ok

but i didn't understand what you were saying

I know it only makes sense or meaning to me.. I was talking to myself haha.. you kind of sounded like another person though in a few things... coincidental

اقتباس:

I wish I had more to say than what I am about to say about your father, but I had a very bad day in relation to my father partially as today was the day they went to my therapist.. I went too.. (it was mainly the worse thing about the day but turned into partially due to a memory marking shocking situation afterwards which wins for being the main bad thing)..

Hopefully ONE DAY you will succeed in making things better with your father.. If it changes to the better little by little that's still ok despite the slowness, just don't close doors on almost everything giving up.. I have closed and locked doors on so much even between me and myself... Something is better than nothing so keep the effort going with your father, it's something that deserves time, energy, and effort put into it... I think sometimes in a all or nothing way about things, but you can't think this way with these types of things

well , i really hope so but let's be realistic , it seems impossible

NO... It actually isn't impossible.. We say that, and see it as impossible, because it's our easy way out due to how difficult it seems to deal with in our view.. It's harder if our fathers refuse to cooperate too, and come to their daughters session and say nothing but false facts far from the truth acting like he is the perfect father who wants to be helpful and understanding... People think you are the issue to make it worse, because they don't know how much acting and lying your father is doing.. Wouldn't that make you angry?!

About the clinic.. I am not in search for a good therapist... The therapist I have is very good, I have no complaints.. I could score him even better than very good... I'm the issue ME ME ME :( .. I feel so sorry for anyone who has to deal with me especially NOW... I can imagine I do make people frustrated.. I can't handle/stand myself for quite a long time lately.. It's just getting worse.. I can't/wont face anything anymore... I feel I'm barely standing heh if my state is even called standing,.. it's more like falling repeatively.. so I get worried I cant bare ANYMORE pain as a reasult of facing things.. I worry I will lose myself and I don't want that.. I scared to death about losing myself... I feel I feel enough pain already that I can't manage hardly so I don't want MORE!!!! Even if it's temporarily.. Also building things up more and more isn't a solution.. I wish there was a middle road... My Mom says you've become the specially of building walls.. She thought I wasn't that even when talking with my therapist which she didn't like as she saw herself today... It has nothing to do with him though or trust matters.. I wasn't like this before.. Stuck in my own web.. I'm really struggling.. Something happened today that will NEVER NEVER NEVER be erased from my memory.. Kinda don't know what meaning thought feeling reaction to give the situation pushing it to yet another closet in hope for it JUST not cross my mind :'(

. it's ok to seek help from other people . it's part of the nature of life

i used to feel like you , but know i say : i will repay their help

. by trying to help them whenever they need any help

? "but what do you really mean by "building walls

mmmm I think the meaning is clear.. I don't what you want me to say..

My Mom thinks I am putting

حواجز

up all the time

Explain Sultan, because I don't know what your asking about.. Is it why I am building walls or it wasn't clear exactly in English which I translated!!? Doubt you didn't understand it though in English..

What is it you are really asking???

Your in Riyadh right? I ask because I'm not in Saudi Arabia, but in another gulf country... I would have wondered what the number is for doctors physical wise not psychologically, but were not living in the same area.. I don't think so Sultan

:) yes i'm in riyadh , i thought you were living in another city . hahaha

people in the Gulf Countries are our brothers and sisters

it's like we are in one big country

Yes you can say that true

I feel on this page like I'm a selfish person because I just talk about me me me... I like to try to be supportive to whose supportive to me in whatever circumstances/settings allow me to be supportive as well or at least a listening ear even if it seems like nothing but you never know sometimes little things do a lot, BUT all I do is talk about myself here too much...

no , you are far from being selfish

i'm very glad to speak to you here

. i can barely call myself supportive to you because i'm not able to help you

I will comment by saying: People don't realize how little things can matter, and make a difference

I pay attention to the smallll things , and I am not a greedy person.. I am simple.., unless it has something to do with life ambitions than I am very greedy heh wont take the least.. Otherwise I'm quite a simple person..

The only thing I feel I'm very complicated in is how my brain works or wants to understand everything trying to break up everything.. Even perhaps breaking up the unbreakable.. I feel sometimes like I'm like children when they ask questions that have no answers.. That's me.. I get very frustrated if I can't understand something or find something or conclusion, ...., ..... etc VERY frustrated.. My mind is too complicated I feel... My mother and cousin even older gone friends say this about me.. It's bother them.. My nature is very detailed and analytic with demand to answers and understanding... I can't stand confusion and lack of understanding.. It's drives absolutely crazy

i will talk to you when i feel like talking

you are like a sister to me

Thank you.. Feel free

Feel FREE to talk too Sultan it doesn't bother me actually it will take my mind off myself I have a lot of free time.. A lot of free time in my world is bad for me.. I'm happier when I have things to do to fill my time up.. All this time after graduating is starting to feel like death or suffocation.. I stopped thinking about cancelling the job because I will go out of my mind if end up having even longer time with Nothing to do.. Day time job doesn't even feel like enough.. I want something similar a having more than a few classes in univ. where you go to class, but your work doesn't end because you have things to do home a lot for those classes.... You Know What I Mean!!? Boredom and too much time to just think more and more with hardly zero to nothing to do with your time isn't a good thing.. I don't think I can consider myself the type of person who can function that way

mmmmm

? why don't you join a gym

exercises and swimming are very affective in such situations

? what do you think about it

First, my father disagreeing.. He says why go outside we have an exercise machine here in the house which he will make fun who ever uses it unless it's him or my brother...

Second, I prefer outdoors anyway... I like to walk on the beach or like near it.. The weather is too too hot now though...

Third, I can't exercise whenever I want to these days, because a lot of the times these days I feel light headed or dizzy or very tired and exhausted physically...

Forth, I am realizing and others have like my cousin and mom that I have changed a lot physically even though I haven't been exercising..

They say I walk much faster like I'm in hurry.. Faster than what they can comfortable walk along with me... Yesterday, I went to the biggest mall we have here and walked from the begaining to the end in quick walking twice.. My cousin hasn't seen me for about a month, and is about 7 yrs younger.. She said please please slow down my chest is starting to hurt and I feel my muscles are pulling in the bottom of my feet.. She said whats happened to you you didn't walk like this before.. It felt normal to me and I felt ok.. I didn't feel dizzy, light headed , or really tired and exhausted so it was ok and natural to me.. My Mother said something similar a few days before... I lot of these days I feel so angry making me full of energy to where I walk or do things as if I'm in a rush sometimes, because I'm feel I'm full with rage... Do you know that feeling??! If I'm slow these days after all the weight I've lost 16+ kg it's because I'm not feeling good which also happens a lot.. Before I lost weight I could move the same why, but I would be very tired afterwards as an result, but now

Good days and bad days... So in conclusion I don't want a gym.. It's indoor boring.. Don't feel like I need a gym necessarily in order to move either