أبويزيد

بيانات اضافيه [ + ]

رقم العضوية : 26811  تاريخ التسجيل :  12 2008  أخر زيارة : 01-10-2010 (04:55 PM)  المشاركات : 5 [ + ]  التقييم :  10

لوني المفضل : Cadetblue

On January 24, 2008, I've been subjected of mental illness right after I've got out of prison, that was for threatening a truck driver's life and hijacking his vehicle, then smash it on a large gate of an under construction building. I have always thought I was normal until that incident occurred.

When I was at the hospital as had been mentally ill, I knew some things would never be the same again. Those desperate thoughts made me scream at times, shout at nurses and get totally aggressive. Even with my mother as she was ing and trying to hold me, I couldn't help it! All I felt was hatred towards everybody, even my own family. The thoughts of betrayal, and suspecting all those people around me, who were in fact trying to help me. My friends, my family, everybody. I could not trust anybody for I thought they were all working against me, to get me down for some reason. And from the way I acted back then, and ever since that incident occurred, everybody would see me as that mentally ill guy.

I've always been a good worker at the job I love so much. Unfortunay, I've never been recognized. None the less, I kept going and devoted myself to work even harder. However, at the end of 2007, symptoms of my maniac break down started to show, and I've been ling everybody that 2008 will be the turning point of my life. Even though no one believed me, I kept saying it and aimlessly trying to prove it to them. I started to have a lot of mood swings, one time I was happy, the next I was so depressed, and with no reason. I spent many hours reading newspapers and analyzing - particularly - political events. I had very little sleep, I barely ate, and it felt like I've been - literally - chasing time and couldn't catch up! In addition, I've been hearing voices coming from the distance all the time, and nobody hears them but me! I started to feel angry just about everything, the company I work for! my co-workers! and even the close ones.

I felt like I was another man, a man that I couldn't recognize myself, not even being recognized by significant others. I was changed! It felt like I had no control over my own body, like I've been moved against my will. I started to comprehend depth in normal things, fantasizing outer space dimensions in my written papers, even words in colors meant something beyond to me. At times I'd wrap a wet towel around my head, just in case my brain would overheat!! I spent many hours under the shower, for I felt my whole body was burning! I even came to the thought that I was more inligent than Albert Einstein! I thought I discovered every theory and uncovered everything! I've became obsessed just about everything!! I've got that thought about death and that it moved like the wind.

I thought I had a way to uncover secret agents and spy’s! That exact idea was my biggest obsession, I even contacted inligence authorities about it! I also wrote to many newspapers to l them that the kingdom is being invaded by so many spy’s, and that they gathered very valuable information’s and got away with it, and that those information’s are so dangerous and will change the kingdom in the future. I even went to the Embassy of France to arrange a visit to their inligence in Paris!

I convinced myself that I will - by any means - win a noble prize for a novel I'd write! This was my second degree obsession, i.e. being a famous author.

To the conclusion, I'd spend so many hours walking in the streets ing with anger for no reason. And to top all that, I shaved my head, my mustache and my beard with a razor and went sprinting over in the streets, looking sad, angry and tired. That was the last thing I did before smashing that gate with the feeling of victory.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and surprisingly it makes me feel special! It feels like I belong to a group of people who share the same symptoms with me. I have to admit, I love being bipolar! But the suffering is what I dislike, and I absoluy do not want to go through the extremes it has to offer! And speaking of which, I already had been through two maniac episodes, that was at the end of 2007, and somewhere around 2009. Not to mention, every episode has so much to l. All that I can say now, and actually be proud of; is that I'm considered to be a survivor. The medications the doctor prescribed to me saved my life, although I couldn't accept them at first. After all, I believe that everything happens for a reason, and maybe what happened to me has a reason of its own that only god knows.

Last but not least, and for I know that I'm not the only one to suffer from bipolar disorder, I'd like to say to you my fellow bipolar: have faith, take your medications and Godspeed to all of you.