I'm going through the roughest time of my life... It's weird when you think things can't get worse in your life, but they are again, again, & again
I don't think I can have anymore pain... Nothing can cause me more pain, unless it's something really huge like a losing a dear person....Otherwise I feel so bad to the point I feel it's difficult to feel any worse... It's hard to find something that will truly hurt or effect me anymore than what I already feel... I'm not exaggeration, that's how I really feel
Theres stories I used to hear about things that have/do happens to people of the type I never thought for a second could happen to me in my lifetime, but ironically some shockingly have la
y
I keep on falling harder and harder to the point I laugh to myself about the first few falls I THOUGHT were rough.... I think theres no room even for comparison to what I was calling a rough fall no too long
ago...and what is reoccurring recently
BUT... I will will say in Arabic:
الحمد لله على كل حال
It is life even if I feel the mass majority of the time I feel like I'm a timed bomb ready to explode in any second with a lot of mood swings here there along with the intense depressive feeling to the point I have thought why should I live!!.. I don't feel I even deserve to breath... I know that's wrong to think that way, so please don't lecture me about how wrong it is to think in such a way... I know already
To add to it, we have family visiting staying in our house... One with me in my room... I can't breath or , get anytime alone, so difficult to find an area in my home that's calm without hearing distractions or being followed... I don't want anyone to feel anythings wrong either in the time they are visity
A lot of suppressing feelings, silents, and acting that all is just fine/perfect... Need to make sure everyone's having the best and most pleasant possible visit in our house for these 2 1/2 weeks
So no everything is far from working out for me... I don't log in often because even though I'm not a new member I feel like a total outsider and out of place since about the last hummm 4 months after a few posts & topics here and there.. It's basically you and one other member who realize I haven't been around. I do browse through sometimes without logging in sometimes... Logging in is another story
Anyway, FIRST, I've said TOO MUCH... Second, I'm sick with allergies I guess from dust in the air, strange because I rarely get sick it's mainly just my usual long term health issues ONLY.. Third, I've had a serious lack of sleep for days... Forth, I will very soon probably be interrupted losing this quite peaceful atmosphere ALONE in my room which leads to the want to exit here and take the advantage to truly rest and relax PEACEFULLY... maybe sleep, but I will be happy if I can just relax... I haven't had this much time alone anywhere in the house without annoying nose for a while... I wonder why the house seems oddly quite