08-07-2011, 05:59 AM
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#187
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عضـو مُـبـدع
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بيانات اضافيه [
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رقم العضوية : 30500
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تاريخ التسجيل : 05 2010
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أخر زيارة : 21-01-2016 (10:33 AM)
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المشاركات :
675 [
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التقييم : 40
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لوني المفضل : Cadetblue
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اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة ليش لا
miss. hpoe
don't be so hard on yourself
in our life time , we must FALL in order for us to learn how to pick ourselves up again
This is not an ordinary fall... I know those... This is big bold red breakdown... Do you know what I mean?
Would u call it ok when your really stressed and pressured to where you go out alone and then get lost forget where you were out for... Even roads you know ""basics" you can't find your way without losing all lot of time until you remember again... You have no one close to help you or that you can relay on... You just are really thankful you have a therapist who understands and is a life savoir... (only hope & help) ... A therapist can't be with you like a friend or family though,... so what do you do...!?
You can't sleep barely for over a month...
Your nights are intense pain/depression like you never could have imagined could happen... You think to yourself... Could the intense pain get any worse... You despera y wait until the morning cause as usual you can't sleep.. Just  to yourself in bed literally wonder when is it going to get better...
You feel like you are really seriously truly losing your mind terrified...
You have issues with your stomach related to long term issue you've had, but it's become out of control suddenly totally at the wrong time...
You get very sick and can't even drink water or swallow any medicine... With high levels of blood pressure.... With hormonal issues... Plus sever lack of sleep... NOT to mention the mental part...
You are very stressed/sick and you want to go to the hospital and your parents are so cold and harsh with you!!! Telling you no... You go eventually by yourself another time much later when you feel so tired to drive... This happens again & again... Or you just stay that way cause your not allowed to go...
You try a lot of medication combination and nothing is working.. If you think you found something that works it lasts for a few hours only only after it's injected directly into your blood...
Finally, you find a much more new advanced med. then you have been using for years...., but because it's new in the country the ministry of health is seeing whether they will keep it in the country.. Can only hope it will stay...
You can disappear in your room for 24+ hrs and no one asks or wonders if everything ok...
You are remembering every single painful thing that has happened in your life (past & present)... and they all feel like they actually just happened now as fresh and recent... and you remember things you don't recall/remember happening!!?? Leaving you overwhelmed and confused...
What can I say....
Honestly , i always try to "motivate" myself with such words to be positive
and "Believe me" i know how annoying to have a guest living in your room
it is so disturbing especially if you don't like them so much
They aren't annoying... I was sharing my room with my Grandmother... She is the closest family to me... She doesn't let me breath though and wants to be with me all the time... I love her to death, but I struggling before she even came... I can't sleep and when I finally feel I will fall a sleep towards early morning she is waking up,,, so I have to wake up and she needs special help
I wasn't able to get hardly any rest, and I wasn't aloud to show something was wrong by strict orders from my parents.. I couldn't even go out for a few hours to breath...
The biggest thing is that my Grandmother was ling me only very intense and specific details of her difficult past.. One example is stories of her father raping her... much more I can't even say... SECRETS no one knows she was only ling me because of how close we are.... My heart was tearing up more & more by what my ears were hearing...
Further more.... She has changed... She doesn't care about her health. She has very very forgetful and has issues with hearing... All which what she is in denial to... I was feeling I'm going to lose her after she travel back to America... Just like I lost my Grandmother here... I wasn't near her in her last months because my father didn't allow me to... but everyone else was by her side... The worry of losing a very special person again when I am not near...
So many things.....
? you mentioned something about health issues . are you alright
if you don't wanna talk about it , i compley understsnd
and please don't feel like an outsider
we are all here together like brothers and sisters |
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