لدي أمل

بيانات اضافيه [ + ]

رقم العضوية : 30500  تاريخ التسجيل :  05 2010  أخر زيارة : 21-01-2016 (10:33 AM)  المشاركات : 675 [ + ]  التقييم :  40

لوني المفضل : Cadetblue

Don't know what to say.... I am worried..

Don't know what to think or not think about when it's all important and SICK of hospitals..

I went along with my therapist saying my parents SHOULD/Need to come, and I don't know how I agreed.. It was suppose to be the three of us them and me, but then I backed out... Now I'm getting much more stressed just because of that thinking maybe I need to go regardless of how I DON'T WANT TO AT ALL I'M DONE....., but I feel there might be misleading, misunderstanding, or not enough clarity if I am not there to speak for myself and let the therapist actually see how my father is with me...

I really don't want to go, and I had made a decision that I wasn't going already... Having second thoughts.. Don't know what to decide.. The not wanting to go, and that hate/regret for the whole idea of having them go to my therapist overcomes by far what should be done which is deal with and go..

Tired and things are getting worse... Spending lots of time in hospitals and haven't heard anything comforting to my ears.. I'm giving the illusion to myself that I'm better by taking more care of how I look to act/lie to myself that it's a wonderful perfect day and everything is fine... Theres nothing wrong right!? It's just a bad dream... My family gets puzzled though thinking I'm in a better mood. but it's just an act... clothes, hair, and make up blah blah blah are easy to use to give the illusion of better good mood

Don't feel like going or caring anymore, but if I don't care who will!!?

Tired

I should be going to the hospital AGAIN very soon now, even though I got back home by 1 AM last night alone from being in the hospital since 9 ... People may wonder why I'm alone, but what can I do that's how it is...

The day before I was out alone and something very scary I was seriously thinking I need urgent help was about to l strangers around me to call emergencey.. but than the feeling went away but I a lot more tired.aflter still puzzled about what that was terrifying.. I couldn't drive and in ing called my mom to PLEASE come to take to me to the hospital... statyed there for a while did test that weren't going to ready until later 3 hours later... My mother took me back to my car and I was suppose to try to go to a girls party and didn't the energy... Didnt buy a gift or have a clue about to wear nothing! My mother insisted I should go anyway... She said my dad wont care about rules of what time I need to be back home... It wasn't worth arriving at 9 when I needed to be home by 10.. Turns out I had no time as long as I said when I am getting ready to leave... I couldn't believe it.. My dad doesn't care if about that anymore hummm... A got back by 2 AM even though I was in a girls only birthday party in a safe environment I felt like I have committed a crime for coming back so late as if I was a bad girl.. My dad was sleeping heh with no care or worry... Couldn't believe it because he is or used to be VERY VERY VERY strict..

need 2 go