نفساني - عرض مشاركة واحدة

26-07-2011, 08:55 AM

Laish lah

I haven't heard from you for a while now which is not like you! You are usually around and active in the forum

Well,... hope all is good, and your just busy

I'm actually in a good mood today.. In two days I hit the hardest I have and stayed silent in my room for all that time, was quit worried going crazy with crazy stupid dangerous thoughts/plans at the tip on my finger about to really stupidly commit as if it was truly a logical solution, but I didn't.. I got quit fearful with no trust in myself with the way I have been thinking in my moods la نقرتين لعرض الصورة في صفحة مستقلة

y which was it's worst I can EVER recall later in the day on Sunday to be exact..A sudden huge mood shit to the worser... Mostly the lack of care for whats right anymore for my good and being sick of everything including anything in relation to people... ...

Strangely I also think in that little time a transformation has happened.. A totally different attitude, mmm not totally but a lot different than the before attitude .. Seeing hope AT LAST AGAIN...

Hoping I don't lose this.. Want it so bad so strongly.. Don't want to lose track backwards.. The point I got to was horrible horrible horrible lifeless hopeless ,....,...etc A dead walking person who wanted nothing nothing of life, but an exit out of it instead of back to it.. Thats how I describe it

If I allow myself to got back to that darkness I will be very upset, but no one to blame but me

Some thoughts of that dark time still remain, and I feel they ARE a reality not be just me being negative

For one, my thoughts of my family haven't changed, don't believe for a second that any of what what I'm thinking is exaggeration... It's does make me quite extremely silently angry for someone to say what I say in regards to my family is an exaggeration... I thought over it repetitively in doubt of myself maybe yes I'm wrong, and no I don't think so.. It's isn't an exaggeration... Still angry actually, but don't wish to argue... I'll just consider that one comment as an individuals personal opinion.. My angry will ware off I know, because I don't hold grudges easily towards people, by far I don't.. A person has to have done a lot or something quite huge in order for me to hold a grudge.. I think that's actually a bad thing in a way, because then in result a forgive too much and SOME not all take advantage of that.. Maybe I'm too kind.. I know I can be being a big hearted person manage to find excuses for people letting things pass and then something happens.. It's a pattern actually that's is repeating itself and has happened many times before with a significant number of people in my past.. Well, I wont worry about it, I guess allah will deal with them.. Right!? Why Should I care? Doesn't mean I want the pattern to keep on replying, but I wont worry only under certain circumstances.. You can't know what's going on in everyone's mind no matter how much you want to or try it isn't always possible.. You can build assumptions or believe of what may or just may not be, but sometimes you will just never know.. Time will simply always (most of the time) will show somehow what things are.. Wouldn't it be nice if what someone was thinking would be written on their forehead, or everything was just clear and direct with honesty... Of course a lot of people don't like that, but I think from my past I've gotten quite used to hearing direct true things to the point I'm numb to getting shocked.. I do go nuts if I have to think for myself trying to understand something ... whys and hows?? I have one particular friend who has won in blowing my mind away with what she would boldly throw at me.. I don't think I was ever that shocked in my life like the shock she gave me... She did that so many times to where I really think I've managed to create an immunity..

On this earth I guess you need to expect the unexpected the bast you can... Theres nothing more than the best you can

You see I can go on and go talking from one thing to another like I'm talk deprived... I exceeded the time I had to reply because I seriously need to get things done that just can't hold like they are, therefor I have no time to look over what I wrote, so I hope I have no mistakes and everything's clear..

Sultan, I hope your ok, and that we'll hear from you soon inshallah