هام جدا::::: فتاة بين الحياة والموت :::::هام جدا

هام جدا::::: فتاة بين الحياة والموت :::::هام جدا

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام
عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته ،
أثناء تصفح سجل زوار موقع تربوي عربي ، شاهدت هذه الرسالة من اخت جزائرية..
ارجو منكم ايجاد حل لمشكلتها، وسأحاول ارساله الى بريدها الالكتروني..

My name is Linda.Iam 33 years old.Iam from Algeria.Iam muslim.I have been suffering from psychological hermaphrodism(khounouta nafsawiya) since my childhood that is to say I was born physically a male(dakar) and was bred like a boy but I strongly believe that my soul(nafs) or (mouyoula) or moral sex is of a woman(imr fi jassad rajel)My mouyoula is attracted by men but similar to women not like homosexuals or sodomy as Iam not kaoum lot.My attraction towards men is pure and full of affections and love and frustrations(hirmane) as I feel that I not a complete woman(imr nakissa)Im like a handicapped woman who wishes to get married but she cannot fulfil her dream because she believes that she is an abnormal woman and uncomplete.Do not l me that my problem is hormonal because I was a normal boy physically but I must confess that my appearance(malamih),walking,voice have always been feminine since I was a child.All my personality(chakhsiya),feelings(ahassisse) and softness(rika) reveals that Iam a woman.My hidden or inside true sex(jins batin or matmour) or moral sex shows that Iam a woman which is in contradiction(moutanakid) with my physical sex(jins dahir).Do not l me that my problem is due to emotional or psychological troubles actually I was bred(tarabait) like my 5 brothers who have become normal men.Iam the seventh child.I had a feminine instinct(ghariza ountawiya) that is why I used to play with my 3 elder sisters with dolls(douma) and feminine games.I hated playing with boys and aggresive games.I was a calm and peaceful child and yet my parents and brothers used to reprimand and reproach me with my playing with girls.When my father died I was 9 years old but my behavior did not change in fact my 3 elder brothers(samahahoum allah) used to batter and torture me(adabouni bi darb) because of my feminine behaviour.I swear it(ouksim bilah eladim) that my behavior was natural(khalki) and purely(safi) far from evil deeds(khali mina al fahicha).I forgive all my brothers and even my mother who participated in torturing me like an animal.I needed love,affection and comprhension(hanan wa houb wa tafahoum) not violence and intolerance(ounf wa tsoub)Allah created me like this I did not choose my destiny(Lam akhtar)As far as I know the prophet(salalah alaihi wa ) did not forbid the hermaphrodite(khonti khalki) by nature from entering the haram and seeing the prophet 's wives(zawjat al rassoul).Why did my family reject me and were so aggresive to me.My behaviour was beyond my control,I could not change and nobody influenced me(la ahad atar fiya)If I were a hermaphrodite by only feminine gesture and walkings,it would be easier for me to get rid of them even if I could not I would be attracted by women(achtahi nis) but the probem is worse I cannot change my mouyoula which is towars men.Iam sick physically as my soul(nafs) is stable(nafsi ghayr marida) but my body is sick and must be cured by sex change operation to be a happy woman because Iam always down and sad.The prophet said"likouli d daw" what is the use of ijtihad of scholars if they cannot help muslim people and solve nowdays problems.As far as I konw there are some positive fatawi about sex change operation such as the mufti of al azhar cheikh SAYEED TANTAWI who permitted the operation if a trustworthy doctor confirms that it is the only cure to heal the hermaphrodite.But the doctor is certainly a psychologist who is the most able doctor to find the sickness in the hermaphrodite.The mighty Allah ibtalani with this marad Allah yabtali man youhibouhoum.I have followed alot of sessions at a psychologist' s for a long time but I could not change my feminine feelings and soul(mouyoula)Finally my psychotherapeute believed that I was a woman inside of myself that is khounta nafsawi who must be cured by sex change surgery as it is the best solution for me, consequently I started taking female hormones to achieve my aim and to get ready for the operation in order to shift(antakil) from sexual ambiguity(ghoumoud jinsi or khounta) to a normal woman to find my truthful identity(chakhsiya hakikiya) because if I stay like this I will be an easy victim of perverse people who are so many in Algeria( farissa sahla li al mounharifin jinsiyan) so I really want to undergo the operation in order to get married with a muslim man and wear the hijab in chlah.Even if I cannot certainly have children but at least to achieve rissalati fi al hayat to be a good wife(zawja saliha) to take care of my husband(yastourouni wa astourouhou) even if I will have no sexual feelings(bidoun chahwa) no matter(la yahoum) what matters is to heal myself so that to live legally in hallal with a good muslim(rajoul salih) to serve him(akhdoumouhou) I believe that that is the aim of a muslim woman is to take care of a man(ttani wa tounisou al rajoul)I must confess that I failed in integrating in my society(fachaltou fi al indimaj fi al moujtam) because of my feminine personality which is not in harmony with my physical appearance,actually I worked as a teacher of English in a middle school but my aggresive and intolerant pupils strongly rejected me because of my feminine personality and appearance.The pupils used to humiliate nad insult me inside the school and throw stones at me outside the school so I had a lot of depressions because of them.If they had a muslim education(akhlak islamiya) from their parents and governments,they would not be so aggresive and intolerant(islam din tasamouh wa mouamala)islam is tolerance and muslim behavior in daily life.Honestly I gave up teaching because of all these problems.I tried hard to find another job but I have not found yet because of my feminine appearance people do not want and yet I can also speak Arabic and French fluently.Why do Algerian people reject me?Iam human beeing(insan bi kalb tayib)I always pray(ousali) but I feel that I want to die(ouridou al mawt) cause Iam fed up(saimt al hayat bidoun hadaf)My life has become dark with no hope(bidoun amal).I cannot afford going abroad in order to undergo the operation.Please(arjoukoum ) help me in so far you can to have the surgery made abroad or in arab countries because the operation is not practised in Algeria.Farijou karbi faraja allah karbak wa adkhalaka al jana amine.If my brothers finds out(yaktachifoun) my probem,they would chase me from home or kill me.Please save me from loosing(saidouni mina a day)I have faith(iman) in my heart (fi kalbi) but my patience(safri lawou houdoud) has limitsIf a muslim cannot help me ,who would help me.Allah chahid that I did my best to find a solution to my problem.JAZAKOUM ALLAH KOUL KHAYR. .ASSALAM ALAYKOUM WA RAHMATOU ALLAH.you can answer me in Arabic I can understand.Please help me financially to go abroad to ask for asylum


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